Tuesday, December 6, 2011

(RSV = Diabetes) = MAJOR Guilt

I was reading some information that Meri and then Laura posted on facebook and it said this...
"This means that the autoimmune attack is already ongoing for years before the number of beta cells drops below a critical threshold, resulting in clinical diagnosis," he said, noting that 90 percent of beta cells are destroyed in humans before the disease is usually recognized."

So... I think THIS is the moment that I screwed Aiden over for life. I put him in that mist tent with Emma. I took their picture, thinking how cute they were. She just had "allergies" I thought. I didn't think she was contagious.
 But the next week, he was hospitalized for RSV (a virus). Guess what killed his pancreas. (a virus) Guess what room we were in. 2211. The same room we were in when he was diagnosed with diabetes.
 He is saying, "Way to go mom. You just killed my beta cells."
 So this precious little guy will have diabetes for the rest of his life because I wanted to take his picture with Emma in the mist tent. *crying*
I know that "everything happens for a reason" and  that God knows the plans he has for us... and all of that, but I have just been consumed lately with "what if" I didn't put him in that tent. I can't dwell on it forever, but I just wanted to throw that out there. *praying for a cure*


  1. Whoa Whoa Whoa Nellie!! You don't know that! My J was diagnosed at 8 months old and before that he had ONE little stomach flu a couple months before. From what I understand, they were born with the predispostion to get the disease, and if in fact a virus is the trigger, you can bet he would have found a virus somewhere else. Kids ALWAYS have viruses.

    I'm veto-ing this post. There is no way it is 'your fault.' There is nothing you could have done to go back in time and stop it. Even if it was a virus, we can't stop them from getting them. Chances are your sweet little boy would have gotten RSV, tent or not.

    Love you!

  2. Don't you even go there! We can't live in the what if's. I have a hunch with the virus that got to my son's pancreas as well. It started with his brother and because they share a room, spread to him.

    As moms, we will do everything we can to protect our children and when we can't, guilt sets in. It is not your fault Leigh that your son got diabetes.

    As you said, God does have a plan for us. Part of that plan involves us being able to give all of our guilt and burdens to him. It is just too much for us to bear at times. I pray that you find peace in His comfort.


  3. Leigh, Miranda had RSV,double pneomina? hooping coogh all at the same time @ 6 months,and she didn't get a pancreas kill. Believe ,and don't blame:)

  4. I can so relate to this, but I echo Meri and everyone else that it is not your fault! I can relate though because I go through my mind all the time everything leading up to her diagnosis and trying to figure out what caused it. From what I understand though something would have triggered it at some point down the line. I blame myself for letting them give Nat a vaccination when she was only 2 days old. I was on drugs from the birth and kick myself...she did not need a vaccination at 2 days old!

  5. Oh girl. Do not beat yourself up. Ethan was hospitalized at 6 weeks for bronchiolitis from a virus, but he's still okay. That might not necessarily be it-and he might have gotten RSV anyway, just from living in the same house. You can't keep a baby totally isolated. I know I'll try, but it's impossible-the kids want to kiss on them!
    I'm still praying for a cure, right along with you.

  6. Thanks for posting this information. There is no evidence, though, that the virus RSV causes Type 1, is there? The main culprits -- and there is a lot of scientific information backing this up -- is the coxsackie virus, other enteroviruses. There is NO way you can prevent exposure to these; they run rampant in the school systems every year. In short, there really is no way we can prevent exposure to these viruses yet. You cannot blame yourself; they will be exposed to these and other triggers throughout their life time. And triggers may be multiple. Just take good care of your little one; guilt will only add to your burden.

  7. My daughter had RSV at two months old four days in the hospital. Other then an occasional strep throat she is my healthy kid. She was diagnosed type 1 in march 2012 @ age 14. She is honeymooning and has not done insulting in 5 weeks.
    God Bless our babies.

  8. *insulting in 5 weeks